the truth behind the smile

once i start to smile or make jokes with some of my friends, they often think that they already know me.

that's where they're wrong. i may like to smile, or laugh, or even make jokes. but the truth is there is a lot more behind my pretty face, a lot more things that im not revealing. i once heard in a cartoon about a smile, the character said that, "smiling is the only thing that you can do when you think that you nothing else to do, especially in times of odd moments.." i'd like to think that what the cartoon character said is pretty much true. in times that you feel embarassed, sad, down, problemed, or in any other situation, a smile can just simply cover it up, and the people around you wouldnt even notice that you have a big problem on your hands at the very moment.

i have to admit, im one of the people who really likes to cover up my image, or to cover up my emotions. when i feel so down, i dont want to let other people feel what im feeling, i really dont want them to know that i have a problem, or something is bothering me. for me, i like it when people tend to run to me for advice, when they ask me for my opinion, but when it comes to my problems, i like to try and solve them for myself first, and it that fails, that's the only time that i run to my friends or family for help.

i dont want to ruin everything for the people around me, with just me being down.

i know i may be selfish in terms with my problems, but i know that they too have problems of their own that they need to overcome, and i dont want to bother them with more problems.

my psychology professor told us once that, the human brain is like a cup, once it gets full, it will overflow and may break down, i try not to let that happen..

instead on dwelling on the past and problems i have to face, i really try my best to just smile about it. hehehe.. one things for sure, i am really a filipino. one of the habits or traits of a filipino is that they just simply smile when problems come there way, and just try to simply brush it off.

behind this pretty smile, there are a lot of things that are on my mind.

graduating at the age of 23 or 24..
get the degree or diploma my parents ever wanted..
try to be a good son to my parents..
to be a mature individual..
to give my parents the best that they deserve for bringing me up..
to get things right in my life..
getting a steady job that can support my family..
thinking if what im doing is right..
try not to get stressed when it comes to studies..
dont think too much..
lessen on cigarettes..
lessen on drinking..
keep on being a faithful partner..
show my other relatives that i can do anything even though im gay..
show them that a person will not be a hindrance for me to graduate..

the only thing that i really have my mind on right now that is really bothering me, is, how can i give my parents the grandchild that they deserve, when im gay..