it can really make someone feel great when they know for a fact that the one they love, loves them back too..
when he knows that his special someone will do no harm..
when he knows that he could fully trust his partner..
when he knows that no one could ever replace him..
when he knows that his secure under his tight hug..
when he knows that there will be no secrets..
when they can freely do, go, and hang out with friends without any doubts..
when no one can ever do or say anything bad to destroy them..
when he knows that his special someone will love him forever..
but, doesn't it hurt when you know that the one you love just sometimes takes you for granted..
here you are, sitting in the dark, waiting..
and time passes by,
looking at your phone,
hoping,
praying,
that he is safe and will be ok..
T_T
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
tension tension tension...
The finals week is about to begin, and now tension is really building up inside me as to what scores I might get in my subjects. I just hope that my grades in all my classes aren’t failing grades. By the time the final exams end, we will need to hasten our pace in all our requirements because of the missed class due to unavoidable events and meetings per college. This is really getting so stressful. Grrr.. But I have to admit, I am enjoying my stay right now at Trinity, and I really do hope that I will graduate soon.
looking back at someone i admire....
Looking back, August 5, 2009, we were able to witness former President Corazon "Cory" Aquino's burial at Manila Memorial Park. I remember the first interview I had at the first university I attended way back 2003, which was University of Asia and the Pacific. The interviewer asked me if I had the chance to speak to a powerful person, influential, saint, pope, or anyone who has touched all our lives or made a big impact to the world and our country dead or alive, and why. I simply answered President Cory Aquino; because she has let us Filipino's open our eyes to what is happening in our country and also showed us democracy. As well as her other notable accomplishments to the country. And now as she rests in peace may she know that the Filipino's will always remember her and how she has touched many lives. Now back to a student's life, as this week is about to end the finals are drawing near. I still can't believe that the finals are about to start next week. I just hope that everyone will be able to pass in our exams.
having doubts...
im really having doubts right now with my studies..
im not quite sure if it was right for me to quit my job..
What's important is that I get through this exams, and graduate.
And just yesterday I found out that one of my friends was really depressed as to because she didn't get the job that she wanted. I felt her emotions even though we just talked over the Internet on yahoo messenger, but like I said, I really felt her emotions. My friend wasn't really like this, when she would apply for a job, and when she doesn't get the job, her simple reaction to me would just be, "I tried, but I didn't get in", but now, she was really down. I really want to cheer her up, but I don’t know how to.
Is it true what some of the people say right now, that, some people who are of degree holders' cant even get a job nowadays, and I worked for three years without a degree. Sometimes I begin to wonder, is the degree, or diploma really needed?
im not quite sure if it was right for me to quit my job..
What's important is that I get through this exams, and graduate.
And just yesterday I found out that one of my friends was really depressed as to because she didn't get the job that she wanted. I felt her emotions even though we just talked over the Internet on yahoo messenger, but like I said, I really felt her emotions. My friend wasn't really like this, when she would apply for a job, and when she doesn't get the job, her simple reaction to me would just be, "I tried, but I didn't get in", but now, she was really down. I really want to cheer her up, but I don’t know how to.
Is it true what some of the people say right now, that, some people who are of degree holders' cant even get a job nowadays, and I worked for three years without a degree. Sometimes I begin to wonder, is the degree, or diploma really needed?
back to business..
the last time i was in school was year 2005, i was currently enrolled at USJR or university of san jose recoletos, in Cebu city for just one semester. after my semester at USJR, i was on a plane back to manila to take a break. my father was really disappointed in what happened to me at Cebu, they expected to much from me. I wasn't able to cope up when i was in Cebu, for starters, they were all speaking in the Cebuano dialect. even though my mom was from Zamboanga, i could only understand so little from what they were saying.
this journey was going down the drain.
going back to manila was something i was really excited with. but i had a price to pay. when i got back here, my parents totally decided for me to quit school. i had no choice, and i didn't quite had the right to tell my opinion, since i already wasted three years of my life by just being a jerk at school.
since i was going to be just a total bum, when i got back here, i decided to work, it was June 25 when i got here in manila. by June 26 i was already hired a call center company at Eastwood city libis. to make this story short, i worked there for 3 years, being an customer service representative for a financial campaign, it was a debt management campaign, and i was a debt management consultant for Americans, Canadians, basically all over the world.
then getting tired of my job, i decided to apply for a higher position, but i didn't get the job i wanted.
this is where i want to finish my studies..
its been a long time since i went to school. will i ever make it?
this journey was going down the drain.
going back to manila was something i was really excited with. but i had a price to pay. when i got back here, my parents totally decided for me to quit school. i had no choice, and i didn't quite had the right to tell my opinion, since i already wasted three years of my life by just being a jerk at school.
since i was going to be just a total bum, when i got back here, i decided to work, it was June 25 when i got here in manila. by June 26 i was already hired a call center company at Eastwood city libis. to make this story short, i worked there for 3 years, being an customer service representative for a financial campaign, it was a debt management campaign, and i was a debt management consultant for Americans, Canadians, basically all over the world.
then getting tired of my job, i decided to apply for a higher position, but i didn't get the job i wanted.
this is where i want to finish my studies..
its been a long time since i went to school. will i ever make it?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
the truth behind the smile
once i start to smile or make jokes with some of my friends, they often think that they already know me.
that's where they're wrong. i may like to smile, or laugh, or even make jokes. but the truth is there is a lot more behind my pretty face, a lot more things that im not revealing. i once heard in a cartoon about a smile, the character said that, "smiling is the only thing that you can do when you think that you nothing else to do, especially in times of odd moments.." i'd like to think that what the cartoon character said is pretty much true. in times that you feel embarassed, sad, down, problemed, or in any other situation, a smile can just simply cover it up, and the people around you wouldnt even notice that you have a big problem on your hands at the very moment.
i have to admit, im one of the people who really likes to cover up my image, or to cover up my emotions. when i feel so down, i dont want to let other people feel what im feeling, i really dont want them to know that i have a problem, or something is bothering me. for me, i like it when people tend to run to me for advice, when they ask me for my opinion, but when it comes to my problems, i like to try and solve them for myself first, and it that fails, that's the only time that i run to my friends or family for help.
i dont want to ruin everything for the people around me, with just me being down.
i know i may be selfish in terms with my problems, but i know that they too have problems of their own that they need to overcome, and i dont want to bother them with more problems.
my psychology professor told us once that, the human brain is like a cup, once it gets full, it will overflow and may break down, i try not to let that happen..
instead on dwelling on the past and problems i have to face, i really try my best to just smile about it. hehehe.. one things for sure, i am really a filipino. one of the habits or traits of a filipino is that they just simply smile when problems come there way, and just try to simply brush it off.
behind this pretty smile, there are a lot of things that are on my mind.
graduating at the age of 23 or 24..
get the degree or diploma my parents ever wanted..
try to be a good son to my parents..
to be a mature individual..
to give my parents the best that they deserve for bringing me up..
to get things right in my life..
getting a steady job that can support my family..
thinking if what im doing is right..
try not to get stressed when it comes to studies..
dont think too much..
lessen on cigarettes..
lessen on drinking..
keep on being a faithful partner..
show my other relatives that i can do anything even though im gay..
show them that a person will not be a hindrance for me to graduate..
the only thing that i really have my mind on right now that is really bothering me, is, how can i give my parents the grandchild that they deserve, when im gay..
that's where they're wrong. i may like to smile, or laugh, or even make jokes. but the truth is there is a lot more behind my pretty face, a lot more things that im not revealing. i once heard in a cartoon about a smile, the character said that, "smiling is the only thing that you can do when you think that you nothing else to do, especially in times of odd moments.." i'd like to think that what the cartoon character said is pretty much true. in times that you feel embarassed, sad, down, problemed, or in any other situation, a smile can just simply cover it up, and the people around you wouldnt even notice that you have a big problem on your hands at the very moment.
i have to admit, im one of the people who really likes to cover up my image, or to cover up my emotions. when i feel so down, i dont want to let other people feel what im feeling, i really dont want them to know that i have a problem, or something is bothering me. for me, i like it when people tend to run to me for advice, when they ask me for my opinion, but when it comes to my problems, i like to try and solve them for myself first, and it that fails, that's the only time that i run to my friends or family for help.
i dont want to ruin everything for the people around me, with just me being down.
i know i may be selfish in terms with my problems, but i know that they too have problems of their own that they need to overcome, and i dont want to bother them with more problems.
my psychology professor told us once that, the human brain is like a cup, once it gets full, it will overflow and may break down, i try not to let that happen..
instead on dwelling on the past and problems i have to face, i really try my best to just smile about it. hehehe.. one things for sure, i am really a filipino. one of the habits or traits of a filipino is that they just simply smile when problems come there way, and just try to simply brush it off.
behind this pretty smile, there are a lot of things that are on my mind.
graduating at the age of 23 or 24..
get the degree or diploma my parents ever wanted..
try to be a good son to my parents..
to be a mature individual..
to give my parents the best that they deserve for bringing me up..
to get things right in my life..
getting a steady job that can support my family..
thinking if what im doing is right..
try not to get stressed when it comes to studies..
dont think too much..
lessen on cigarettes..
lessen on drinking..
keep on being a faithful partner..
show my other relatives that i can do anything even though im gay..
show them that a person will not be a hindrance for me to graduate..
the only thing that i really have my mind on right now that is really bothering me, is, how can i give my parents the grandchild that they deserve, when im gay..
when you finally meet....
doesn't it make you feel good when you know that you have someone to share all your thoughts, opinions, adventures, a person like, someone you love, to be precise, a lifetime partner.
and doesnt it feel good when faith permits that you and that person you have spent with so many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or even years of texting and communicating ends up good, when you know that both of you have already made a connection to each other, a bond between two human beings, a love to share to each other..
but doesn't it feel so damn bad, when all that time wasted on that person, just goes to waste, when you finally meet, and he/she just suddenly slowly turns back away..
one thing i dont get about the society, is that we want to be loved by someone, hey, who doesn't want to be loved right? but like i said the one thing i dont like about it is when both of you already have a bond with each other, and when you get to meet one another it just goes down the drain, just because, one of you dont like the way the other may walk, talk, eat, dress, behave, and ofcourse, the way the person LOOKS..
why do we even bother to say that we want the ONE to come by in our lives, but when the ONE comes by, and he/she just doesn't fit the criteria that you are looking for in a person, we tend to just go back to being a loner, and start looking for love again...
we can never really tell who we can love and who we cant love.. i know, that we all want someone to love, but, does it really matter what that person looks like, yeah, looks can be a plus factor in a person. however, if what we want in the one we are really looking for, is just the looks, it may not really be love at all, it may be just infatuation.
there was once a saying that every mankind is unique, has it's own beauty.. just for me, i dont think there is a person who really is that ugly, maybe there is, but maybe all the need is just a little make-over.. take it from these quotes i like..
+ "beauty is skin deep"
+ "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"
why would anyone make those quotes if it were'nt true? like, yeah, your partner or the person you like may look so hot, so great, and just so damn fine. but what if his/her attidude is not as pretty and hot as they look, like they may even hurt you in the long run.. im not saying that we dont have ambitions, we all want what's the best, the cream of the crop, but we cant have it all.
all i want to say is that, when the time comes that, that special someone we have been looking for all this time, has indeed come, dont just let it go, just because the person is ugly, dumb, or whatever you may not like about them when you meet. REMEMBER THIS, some people i know, fall into love, just through texting, and then when they meet, they just break up.. what's with that?? don't you get it, you fell IN love with that person even though the only thing between you two were just your cellphones, and now your just going to waste all your precious moments through text's just because you saw how he/she walks, talks, eats, dress, behaves, and ofcourse, the way the person LOOKS..
yeah, you do have a choice on who you want to love, but does that one you love, love's you too like the way you do?
think about it..
**this applies to textmates, phone-pals, pen-pals, chat-mate, and even email-mate!! hehehe..
**this is only my opinion..
..mlc..
and doesnt it feel good when faith permits that you and that person you have spent with so many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or even years of texting and communicating ends up good, when you know that both of you have already made a connection to each other, a bond between two human beings, a love to share to each other..
but doesn't it feel so damn bad, when all that time wasted on that person, just goes to waste, when you finally meet, and he/she just suddenly slowly turns back away..
one thing i dont get about the society, is that we want to be loved by someone, hey, who doesn't want to be loved right? but like i said the one thing i dont like about it is when both of you already have a bond with each other, and when you get to meet one another it just goes down the drain, just because, one of you dont like the way the other may walk, talk, eat, dress, behave, and ofcourse, the way the person LOOKS..
why do we even bother to say that we want the ONE to come by in our lives, but when the ONE comes by, and he/she just doesn't fit the criteria that you are looking for in a person, we tend to just go back to being a loner, and start looking for love again...
we can never really tell who we can love and who we cant love.. i know, that we all want someone to love, but, does it really matter what that person looks like, yeah, looks can be a plus factor in a person. however, if what we want in the one we are really looking for, is just the looks, it may not really be love at all, it may be just infatuation.
there was once a saying that every mankind is unique, has it's own beauty.. just for me, i dont think there is a person who really is that ugly, maybe there is, but maybe all the need is just a little make-over.. take it from these quotes i like..
+ "beauty is skin deep"
+ "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"
why would anyone make those quotes if it were'nt true? like, yeah, your partner or the person you like may look so hot, so great, and just so damn fine. but what if his/her attidude is not as pretty and hot as they look, like they may even hurt you in the long run.. im not saying that we dont have ambitions, we all want what's the best, the cream of the crop, but we cant have it all.
all i want to say is that, when the time comes that, that special someone we have been looking for all this time, has indeed come, dont just let it go, just because the person is ugly, dumb, or whatever you may not like about them when you meet. REMEMBER THIS, some people i know, fall into love, just through texting, and then when they meet, they just break up.. what's with that?? don't you get it, you fell IN love with that person even though the only thing between you two were just your cellphones, and now your just going to waste all your precious moments through text's just because you saw how he/she walks, talks, eats, dress, behaves, and ofcourse, the way the person LOOKS..
yeah, you do have a choice on who you want to love, but does that one you love, love's you too like the way you do?
think about it..
**this applies to textmates, phone-pals, pen-pals, chat-mate, and even email-mate!! hehehe..
**this is only my opinion..
..mlc..
love letter from the past..
share ko lang yung sulat sa akin ng pinakamamahal ko na boyfriend.. Ü this letter was dated January 7, 2007...
MAHAL,
Hello mahal ko Ü, wala lang - wala akong magawa eh! hindi pa ako makatulog. Iniisip kasi kita eh. o baka isipin mo nambobolang ako, hindi kaya! honestly, the reason why i wrote you a letter is that want to say thank you so much for everything. I'm so happy to have you in my life.. alam ko iniisip mo ngayon "puro bola" lang lahat ng sinasabi ko. pero ok lang. ako kasi yung tipo na tao na minsan lang iparamdam ang pagmamahal, kasi ayokong sanayin ung sarili ko, im not that so expressive. kaya mahal samantalahin mo na toh, kasi minsan lang ako ganito. Anyway, aside from that,i want to thank you, i also want you to know how special you are to me. Marami na rin tayo pinagdaanan. mga pinagawayan at kung anu-ano pa, and for those memories na worth to treasure for me.
you know what, everytime that we're together, you just dont know how happy i am. Hindi nga lang halata but deep within my heart "im so haooy." kala mo lagi prang wala ka lang sa akin?! well, hindi totoo yun. hindi mo ba napapansin, pag nag aaway tayo, madalas hindi ako kumikibo na lang? the fact is that, ayoko ng pahabain pa kung anu man yung pinagtataluhan natin, im controlling myself not to cry, coz i dont want you to see me crying. i dont want you to see that im weak. kaya ang ginagawa ko na lang tumahimik na lang ako. hinahayaan ko na lumamig muna ung mga ulo natin, lalo ka na. pero mag-isa lang tapos mag kaaway tayo, do mo lang alam umiiyak din ako.. maraming hindi nakakakilala or nakakaalam na ganun ako. once na mya problema ako, hanggat kaya ko pa, hindi ako hihingi ng tulong. Kasi alam ko, people around me have also their own problems kaya ayoko ng mag padagdag pa sa mga problema nila. Ganun din ako sayo. hanggat kaya ko pa ang mga problema ko, i want bother you to be involved, kasi alam ko my mga problems ka din that you have to face, right? mahal, ganito talaga ako eh! madamot sa problema, specially when it comes to family matters. Nakita mo namn di ba before nung nasa training pa tayo, kung paano ako umiyak nung nag away kami ng ate ko? remember? kasi hindi ko na kaya ung problema kong yun, nakita mo naman, ikaw agad ang nilapitan ko. Kasi alam ko pag saiyo ko binuhos ang nararamdaman kong sakit, makakayanan ko nang tumayo ulit at kalimutan kung saan at kung paano ako nadapa. alam ko kasi andyan ka, handang sumaklolo sa akin.. Ü
mahal, 5 months na tayo.. gama mo, hindi ko rin ineexpect na magtatagal tayo ng ganito, and i have this feeling na mag tatagal pa tayo nga mas matagal pa sa 5months. Coz i know for myself that i do really love you. and i wont let anybody come between us para sirain tayo. Lagi mo ako tinatanong kung mahal ba kita, hindi ako magsasawang sagutin na, "oo mahal na mahal kita.." mahal sana walang mag bago sa atin ha.. sana mas lalo pa tayong maging masaya at mahalin ang isat isa. Ako, promise ko, hindi ako magbabago kahit ano pa ang mangyari. Andito lang ako palagi para suportahan ka sa lahat ng gusto mong gawain, para tulungan ka at pakinggan ka, at higit sa lahat para alagaan at mahalin ka ng buong puso ko.
so pano po, till here na lang ako, next time po ulit, pag sinipag ako gumawa ng letter for you.. hehehehe.. joke lang.. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAHAL KO...
GTFA...
------------ grabeh ang tagal na ng letter na toh, im just so happy to say that GTFA is still my boyfriend until now. ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
MAHAL,
Hello mahal ko Ü, wala lang - wala akong magawa eh! hindi pa ako makatulog. Iniisip kasi kita eh. o baka isipin mo nambobolang ako, hindi kaya! honestly, the reason why i wrote you a letter is that want to say thank you so much for everything. I'm so happy to have you in my life.. alam ko iniisip mo ngayon "puro bola" lang lahat ng sinasabi ko. pero ok lang. ako kasi yung tipo na tao na minsan lang iparamdam ang pagmamahal, kasi ayokong sanayin ung sarili ko, im not that so expressive. kaya mahal samantalahin mo na toh, kasi minsan lang ako ganito. Anyway, aside from that,i want to thank you, i also want you to know how special you are to me. Marami na rin tayo pinagdaanan. mga pinagawayan at kung anu-ano pa, and for those memories na worth to treasure for me.
you know what, everytime that we're together, you just dont know how happy i am. Hindi nga lang halata but deep within my heart "im so haooy." kala mo lagi prang wala ka lang sa akin?! well, hindi totoo yun. hindi mo ba napapansin, pag nag aaway tayo, madalas hindi ako kumikibo na lang? the fact is that, ayoko ng pahabain pa kung anu man yung pinagtataluhan natin, im controlling myself not to cry, coz i dont want you to see me crying. i dont want you to see that im weak. kaya ang ginagawa ko na lang tumahimik na lang ako. hinahayaan ko na lumamig muna ung mga ulo natin, lalo ka na. pero mag-isa lang tapos mag kaaway tayo, do mo lang alam umiiyak din ako.. maraming hindi nakakakilala or nakakaalam na ganun ako. once na mya problema ako, hanggat kaya ko pa, hindi ako hihingi ng tulong. Kasi alam ko, people around me have also their own problems kaya ayoko ng mag padagdag pa sa mga problema nila. Ganun din ako sayo. hanggat kaya ko pa ang mga problema ko, i want bother you to be involved, kasi alam ko my mga problems ka din that you have to face, right? mahal, ganito talaga ako eh! madamot sa problema, specially when it comes to family matters. Nakita mo namn di ba before nung nasa training pa tayo, kung paano ako umiyak nung nag away kami ng ate ko? remember? kasi hindi ko na kaya ung problema kong yun, nakita mo naman, ikaw agad ang nilapitan ko. Kasi alam ko pag saiyo ko binuhos ang nararamdaman kong sakit, makakayanan ko nang tumayo ulit at kalimutan kung saan at kung paano ako nadapa. alam ko kasi andyan ka, handang sumaklolo sa akin.. Ü
mahal, 5 months na tayo.. gama mo, hindi ko rin ineexpect na magtatagal tayo ng ganito, and i have this feeling na mag tatagal pa tayo nga mas matagal pa sa 5months. Coz i know for myself that i do really love you. and i wont let anybody come between us para sirain tayo. Lagi mo ako tinatanong kung mahal ba kita, hindi ako magsasawang sagutin na, "oo mahal na mahal kita.." mahal sana walang mag bago sa atin ha.. sana mas lalo pa tayong maging masaya at mahalin ang isat isa. Ako, promise ko, hindi ako magbabago kahit ano pa ang mangyari. Andito lang ako palagi para suportahan ka sa lahat ng gusto mong gawain, para tulungan ka at pakinggan ka, at higit sa lahat para alagaan at mahalin ka ng buong puso ko.
so pano po, till here na lang ako, next time po ulit, pag sinipag ako gumawa ng letter for you.. hehehehe.. joke lang.. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAHAL KO...
GTFA...
------------ grabeh ang tagal na ng letter na toh, im just so happy to say that GTFA is still my boyfriend until now. ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
what's wrong with being gay? lesbian? and such..
I don't think there is something wrong with being someone you feel who you really are. Even though the creator did mold us into a specific gender role in the society, but we can never tell who to fall in love with, and going over the borderline. Some people may think that being gay/lesbian is something funny or something that shouldn't be taken too seriously. But what they don't know is that the very person that they are trying to pull down, or take down, are the one's who really work hard into achieving what they want in life. Filipino's for a fact are very hard working people, and really strive to get what they want to accomplish in life and try their very best to make a mark in the country or even the world. However the gay/lesbian society are even MORE hard working and MORE EAGER to make a difference in the world we live in today. It doesn't necessarily mean that being gay/lesbian the only thing they want in life are full of fun, laughter, and sex. They too have feelings, ambitions, and goals that they want to accomplish, to make a stand for what is right, and to make a stand in the society.
I read one time in a blog that in some other countries, there are gay men who still go on to marrying a woman, however within that relationship called marriage, they too, still flirt, and have sex with men. I just don't think that there is anything wrong about being gay. I mean, we are human beings, we were given the power to make our own decisions, to do what we want to do, in other words, FREE WILL.
I just don't get it with the society that we live in today. If you try on going to any one of the gay/lesbian websites in the country, you would see countless gays and lesbians hiding, saying that they are discreet, good looking, and has a body to die for.
Them being discreet, I don't know, if the word discreet is being used properly in our generation today.
I mean, we all want to be happy right? why can't we just do the things that we really want in life, in general, by taking the course we want in education, the food we want to eat, the places or bars we want to go to, and even to mingle with the same sex.
Gays and Lesbians, have rights too(in some countries). But, beside the fact, that they too, sorry, i meant to say, But WE too, are people, human beings, that can feel emotions, can do their job's proficiently and even better, can do a lot more in life, than hiding in a stupid closet that wasn't opened for years, and can do the same things as the regular straight male and female.
But why are we still discriminated, why are we still on the bottom of the chain when it comes to the way the people look at us. WE ALL eat, drink and watch and even do the SAME THINGS and WEAR the SAME stuff as the whole world does.
Some of the world known personalities are gays/lesbians. They didn't let anyone get in their way of achieving the dream that they wanted, the goal that they wanted to reach, and the life that they are living right now. Even though they are gay/lesbian, they still made a difference. And they are known by everyone.
What do you get anyway from treating the gay/lesbian community in such a foul way? NOTHING, right? Yeah, it can be laughing matter, but, in the end, who goes up the top of the chain? and who goes down?
As we all know, there is a golden rule, stating that, "Don't do unto others, what you don't want to do unto you.." I also believe, that, in order to gain respect, you should first respect yourself, and if you don't even respect or care about the people around, what kind of treatment would you get from them in return?
Don't belittle us, we can do what we want to do, unafraid of what we want to do in life. And more eager to make a mark.
****these are just some of my point of views that i want to release. tension is building up, and sometimes can't keep it all inside. just needed to express. heheheh.. ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
I read one time in a blog that in some other countries, there are gay men who still go on to marrying a woman, however within that relationship called marriage, they too, still flirt, and have sex with men. I just don't think that there is anything wrong about being gay. I mean, we are human beings, we were given the power to make our own decisions, to do what we want to do, in other words, FREE WILL.
I just don't get it with the society that we live in today. If you try on going to any one of the gay/lesbian websites in the country, you would see countless gays and lesbians hiding, saying that they are discreet, good looking, and has a body to die for.
Them being discreet, I don't know, if the word discreet is being used properly in our generation today.
I mean, we all want to be happy right? why can't we just do the things that we really want in life, in general, by taking the course we want in education, the food we want to eat, the places or bars we want to go to, and even to mingle with the same sex.
Gays and Lesbians, have rights too(in some countries). But, beside the fact, that they too, sorry, i meant to say, But WE too, are people, human beings, that can feel emotions, can do their job's proficiently and even better, can do a lot more in life, than hiding in a stupid closet that wasn't opened for years, and can do the same things as the regular straight male and female.
But why are we still discriminated, why are we still on the bottom of the chain when it comes to the way the people look at us. WE ALL eat, drink and watch and even do the SAME THINGS and WEAR the SAME stuff as the whole world does.
Some of the world known personalities are gays/lesbians. They didn't let anyone get in their way of achieving the dream that they wanted, the goal that they wanted to reach, and the life that they are living right now. Even though they are gay/lesbian, they still made a difference. And they are known by everyone.
What do you get anyway from treating the gay/lesbian community in such a foul way? NOTHING, right? Yeah, it can be laughing matter, but, in the end, who goes up the top of the chain? and who goes down?
As we all know, there is a golden rule, stating that, "Don't do unto others, what you don't want to do unto you.." I also believe, that, in order to gain respect, you should first respect yourself, and if you don't even respect or care about the people around, what kind of treatment would you get from them in return?
Don't belittle us, we can do what we want to do, unafraid of what we want to do in life. And more eager to make a mark.
****these are just some of my point of views that i want to release. tension is building up, and sometimes can't keep it all inside. just needed to express. heheheh.. ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
pag-ibig nga naman oh..
Pag-ibig
Oh kay sarap nga naman mag mahal. Madaming lalake at babae na sa murang edad pa lamang ay gusto nang maranasan ang pag-ibig. Pero handa na nga ba sila talaga mag mahal at masaktan?
Ang mag mahal ay hindi biro, o laru-laro lamang. Ang pag mamahal ay ginagamitan ng puso, at pag-iisip. Hindi naman din puwede na mag mahal tayo ng tao na kung sinu-sino lamang. Madami na din ang nag baka sakali sa pag-ibig at nasaktan din lamang. Mabigat ang mga salita na “mahal kita”, minsay ginagamit ito ng ibang tao upang masabi lamang nila na mahal nila ang tao, pero pagmamahal nga ba talaga ang nararamdaman nila? Kapag sinabi mo na mahal mo ang isang tao, kailangan mo gampanan nag sinabi mo sa kanila, dahil hindi lang ang tao ang niloloko mo at sinasaktan pag hindi naman totoo ang nararamdaman mo sa kanila, dahil pati na rin ang sarili mo ang niloloko mo. May mga kilala na din ako na tao na sa murang edad pa lamang ay sinubok na ang pagsasama, ang pakikipag talik, ang pagpapakasal, na hindi naman din nag tagal ay nasira lamang ang kanilang relasyon. Ang pag pasok sa isang relasyon ay hindi basta-basta ginagawa. Kailangan talagang isipin ng masinsinan kung talagang desidido na sa desisyon. Meron nga diyan ibang relasyon na umabot na ng ilang taon, tapos kapag na buntis ang babae ay iniiwan na lang, pag may nakita nang ibang babae. Pagmamahal ba ang tawag doon?
Ang pag-ibig nga naman, nakakatuwa, nakaka-aliw, at nakakasakit ng damdamin. Pero, sabi nga ng mga nakakatanda, na hindi mo talaga masasabi na nag mahal ka lubusan kung hindi ka nasaktan sa proseso at sa relasyon, kasi masasabi mo lamang na nag mahala ka talaga kapag nasaktan ka na. Wala naman din perpekto sa mga relasyon na pinapasukan ng bawat tao, may mga masasaya at malulungkot din na karanasan iyon. Wala naman din gusto’ng masaktan kapag nag mahal, kaya nga tayo nag mahal eh, upang maransan natin ang pagka-kailangan ng ating katuwang. Minsan naman ang ating kabiyak ay ating nakakalimutan na andiyan lamang upang damayan tayo sa mga pasubok ng buhay.
Ang pagmamahal ay isang emosyon na hindi puwede lamang pag laruan.
Oh kay sarap nga naman mag mahal. Madaming lalake at babae na sa murang edad pa lamang ay gusto nang maranasan ang pag-ibig. Pero handa na nga ba sila talaga mag mahal at masaktan?
Ang mag mahal ay hindi biro, o laru-laro lamang. Ang pag mamahal ay ginagamitan ng puso, at pag-iisip. Hindi naman din puwede na mag mahal tayo ng tao na kung sinu-sino lamang. Madami na din ang nag baka sakali sa pag-ibig at nasaktan din lamang. Mabigat ang mga salita na “mahal kita”, minsay ginagamit ito ng ibang tao upang masabi lamang nila na mahal nila ang tao, pero pagmamahal nga ba talaga ang nararamdaman nila? Kapag sinabi mo na mahal mo ang isang tao, kailangan mo gampanan nag sinabi mo sa kanila, dahil hindi lang ang tao ang niloloko mo at sinasaktan pag hindi naman totoo ang nararamdaman mo sa kanila, dahil pati na rin ang sarili mo ang niloloko mo. May mga kilala na din ako na tao na sa murang edad pa lamang ay sinubok na ang pagsasama, ang pakikipag talik, ang pagpapakasal, na hindi naman din nag tagal ay nasira lamang ang kanilang relasyon. Ang pag pasok sa isang relasyon ay hindi basta-basta ginagawa. Kailangan talagang isipin ng masinsinan kung talagang desidido na sa desisyon. Meron nga diyan ibang relasyon na umabot na ng ilang taon, tapos kapag na buntis ang babae ay iniiwan na lang, pag may nakita nang ibang babae. Pagmamahal ba ang tawag doon?
Ang pag-ibig nga naman, nakakatuwa, nakaka-aliw, at nakakasakit ng damdamin. Pero, sabi nga ng mga nakakatanda, na hindi mo talaga masasabi na nag mahal ka lubusan kung hindi ka nasaktan sa proseso at sa relasyon, kasi masasabi mo lamang na nag mahala ka talaga kapag nasaktan ka na. Wala naman din perpekto sa mga relasyon na pinapasukan ng bawat tao, may mga masasaya at malulungkot din na karanasan iyon. Wala naman din gusto’ng masaktan kapag nag mahal, kaya nga tayo nag mahal eh, upang maransan natin ang pagka-kailangan ng ating katuwang. Minsan naman ang ating kabiyak ay ating nakakalimutan na andiyan lamang upang damayan tayo sa mga pasubok ng buhay.
Ang pagmamahal ay isang emosyon na hindi puwede lamang pag laruan.
Isang Anak
Madaming nag sasabi na ang suwerte daw ng mga bata’ng nag iisa lamang sa pamilya, iyong tipong, walang ate at kuya. Siguro nga masayang isipin kung nag iisang anak ka lamang sa pamilya. Lahat ng luho at gusto mo, puwedeng puwede mo’ng abutin. Subalit, ganon man kadali ang maging isang anak sa pamilya. Madami din siyang mga komplikasyon na hindi naiintindihan ng nakakarami. Minsan may kalungkutan din ang maging mag isa sa buhay.
May mga pagkakataon na ang dami dami mo’ng problema, iniisip, ginagawa, tapos wala ka man lang makausap ng masinsinan tungkol sa mga nararamdaman mo. Base sa aking kaalaman at karanasan, bilang nag iisang anak sa aming pamilya, masaya siya kung iisipin, ngunit hindi naman talaga, lalo’t pag nag tagal na. Oo, puwede mo’ng hilingin kahit ano man mula bagay, gamit, pagkain, laruan, damit, mga pinakamamahalin na bagong teknolohiya, at kahit mag aral sa pinakamamahaling paaralan sa bansa. Pero minsan ang mga kapalit nito ay hindi kanais nais. Sa pagiging isang anak sa pamilya, dumarating ang tensyon at paghihirap na makatapos sa pag aaral, makakuha ng mabuting kurso, at magandang trabaho pag ka graduwado.
Walang perpektong buhay sa tao, kahit pa man nabigay na sayo lahat ng suwerte sa buhay, may mga kapalit pa rin iyon na hindi talaga kanais-nais. Ang pagiging isang anak ay hindi biyaya, ito ay isang pagsubok sa tao kung kaya niya ba’ng mabuhay ng walang kasama sa buhay. Kung iisipin niyo talaga ng mabuti, at matanong ninyo sa inyong sarili, paano na lamang ang aking mga magulang pag wala na ako? Paano na lang ako pag wala na mga magulang ko? Paano na lang ang buhay ko kung walang tutulong sa akin tumaguyod sa aking buhay? Madami din iniisip ang mga unico hijo o unico hija. Madami gusto’ng maging unico hijo o hija ng kanilang magulang, upang makuha lahat ng kagustuhan nila.
Hindi lamang nila alam na malungkot at mahirap maging isang anak sa pamilya. Tulad nga nang nasabi ko, tulad ko, isang anak sa aming pamilya, madami na ako napagdaan na pagsubok na hindi ko talaga makakalimutan, at madami pa’ng mga pagsubok na kailangan gampanan bilang nag iisang anak. Mapipili niyo pa ba ang maging isang anak pag masubukan ninyo ang buhay ng maging isang anak? Madami na din ako nakilala na mga tao na walang kapatid, na nahihirapan sa buhay nila, dahil wala silang matatakbuhan na kapatid, at ang mga kamaganak na ayaw naman din tumulong sa kanila. Masaya man maging nag iisang anak, ngunit meron din siyang kalungkutan na dapat malagpasan.
May mga pagkakataon na ang dami dami mo’ng problema, iniisip, ginagawa, tapos wala ka man lang makausap ng masinsinan tungkol sa mga nararamdaman mo. Base sa aking kaalaman at karanasan, bilang nag iisang anak sa aming pamilya, masaya siya kung iisipin, ngunit hindi naman talaga, lalo’t pag nag tagal na. Oo, puwede mo’ng hilingin kahit ano man mula bagay, gamit, pagkain, laruan, damit, mga pinakamamahalin na bagong teknolohiya, at kahit mag aral sa pinakamamahaling paaralan sa bansa. Pero minsan ang mga kapalit nito ay hindi kanais nais. Sa pagiging isang anak sa pamilya, dumarating ang tensyon at paghihirap na makatapos sa pag aaral, makakuha ng mabuting kurso, at magandang trabaho pag ka graduwado.
Walang perpektong buhay sa tao, kahit pa man nabigay na sayo lahat ng suwerte sa buhay, may mga kapalit pa rin iyon na hindi talaga kanais-nais. Ang pagiging isang anak ay hindi biyaya, ito ay isang pagsubok sa tao kung kaya niya ba’ng mabuhay ng walang kasama sa buhay. Kung iisipin niyo talaga ng mabuti, at matanong ninyo sa inyong sarili, paano na lamang ang aking mga magulang pag wala na ako? Paano na lang ako pag wala na mga magulang ko? Paano na lang ang buhay ko kung walang tutulong sa akin tumaguyod sa aking buhay? Madami din iniisip ang mga unico hijo o unico hija. Madami gusto’ng maging unico hijo o hija ng kanilang magulang, upang makuha lahat ng kagustuhan nila.
Hindi lamang nila alam na malungkot at mahirap maging isang anak sa pamilya. Tulad nga nang nasabi ko, tulad ko, isang anak sa aming pamilya, madami na ako napagdaan na pagsubok na hindi ko talaga makakalimutan, at madami pa’ng mga pagsubok na kailangan gampanan bilang nag iisang anak. Mapipili niyo pa ba ang maging isang anak pag masubukan ninyo ang buhay ng maging isang anak? Madami na din ako nakilala na mga tao na walang kapatid, na nahihirapan sa buhay nila, dahil wala silang matatakbuhan na kapatid, at ang mga kamaganak na ayaw naman din tumulong sa kanila. Masaya man maging nag iisang anak, ngunit meron din siyang kalungkutan na dapat malagpasan.
the story of my life..
to get full education or to get what I want??
-- i arrived here in the Philippines when i was 16. I was really excited, because there were some things that can't be done else where than here in the Philippines. When i first arrived i was too eager to explore the country, to go places, to meet and mingle with new people, although i do come here every summer break with had at Dubai. But, things were different now. My parents wanted me to be admitted at the best school's that they could offer me. However, i didn't, i just wanted to study at any university or college, my whole plan was just to go to school and graduate. But my parents wanted more out of me. They had me take numerous entrance exams, like at University of the Philippines, Ateneo de Manila, and at University of Asia and the Pacific. Even though i did pass the entrance examinations held at those universities, i had doubted my self if was really ready on taking up college.
a dream burning down..
-- my parents wants me to choose between UA&P and ADMU, how could i decide?? both of them are great schools that offer great courses and education. But, was i prepared?? the answer to that was, no. I still wasnt prepared to go to school, to start my college life. after staying at UA&P for one year, i was kicked out. My grades at UA&P weren't that great, some of them were just hanging by a thread. But that university had high standards that i really cant reach. And so my parents decided for me to choose another school to go to.
a dream burning down pt.II
-- i decided to go to CENTRO ESCOLAR UNIVERSITY. i had a friend from high school who also studied at CEU, so i checked it out, if the school was ok. Later on, i found my self making new friends at the start of the first semester of my first year college, i had to take on being a first year student again, since i still had a lot of back subjects from my previous school. i was really starting to enjoy studying at CEU, i already got a chance to step foot on being a 2nd year student. and it was really a great feeling for me, even though i still had about 2 or 3 back subjects. but, hey, its a start for someone who is still having doubts on going to school. another year had passed by and i was about to start my 3rd yr life at CEU, the first semester was already starting and i was already about to take on my midterm examinations, however, my parents still wasn't satisfied with my performance. my father went to school, and paid for the whole semester and asked the school for may credentials, as they have decided for me to stop, and transfer again to a new school.
getting tired of this..
-- my parents always had issues about me being gay, although they really didn't know that i was gay. i never really told them or showed them that i was gay or bisexual. they never doubted my sexuality before, since i did had a girlfriend before way back in high school. i gotta admit my first ever relationship with a guy was here in the Philippines when i was still studying at CEU. but i didn't let my personal life get in the way of my studies. i wanted to finish my studies right away. my parents and i had a deal, that when i finish college, i could do what ever i want with my life, so i really wanted to finish it for good. but like i mentioned before, i had no choice but to stop, and transfer to another school. now the reason why my parents forced me out of CEU, was because of the gay community that was building up at the school. and some of my close friends at school were also gay, i had no choice, they were friendly, and they did really become my friends. and the second reason was that they still didn't like the way my grades were. hayz...
manila now, cebu tomorrow..
-- I'm really getting tired of not being able to make a decision for my self. by this time my parents were already telling me that i had to transfer to cebu and live an independent life, since they think that i would be able to handle it, and my father specifically said that "doon ka na sa cebu, para wala ng mangingi-alam sa iyo, at para wala ng makakapag impluwensya sa iyo ng masama, tulad ng mga bisyo mo."
hayz.. i had no choice, i really didn't want to transfer anymore, i didn't want to go to the same process of making friends again, getting subjects, filling up forms, and stuff. but i had no choice. before i could object to and demand to stay here, i was already in a plane going to cebu.
cebu? fun or not?
-- i was mistakenly wrong about Cebu, its freakingly beautiful here!! and to add it up, im completely free!! no one to look over my shoulders, telling me what to do, and to remind me constantly that i need to study hard.. in the long run, i still returned to manila. my dad had to take a leave from his job in Dubai, and made sure that i was really studying in Cebu. But when he got there, i already flunked most of my subjects, except for my one major. for which i am really proud of, because that was the only subject that i got for grade of 1, which is the highest grade i already attained in my life!! but since i did flunked the rest of my subjects, my parents still got furious, hey, who wouldn't be, right?
the only reason why i didn't attend my classes when i was still in cebu, was because i was so overwhelmed of my freedom, of me being able to things that i want to do, staying out at the late hours of the night, drinking out with friends, and going out with numerous guys, pero syempre safe sex pa rin.. hehehe..
but in the end my father bought a ticket for me to go back to manila.
home again..
-- whew, even though i only stayed in cebu for about one semester, i got to admit, i really missed my room and MANILA!! ÜÜ i was really excited when i was at Mactan airport waiting to board the plane, but at the same time, nervous was playing in me. as to what was i going to do now, and a lot of questions were already popping out of my head. if my parents would still let me go to school?? if they would still accept me being their child?? or would the hatred fill their hearts for the wrong doings that i have done to them.
i arrived in manila, on the 24th of june 2006, and my mom was the one who picked me up at the airport. and told me that i was not going back to school.
when i heard those words coming out of my mothers mouth, i was in shock. because they have been saying that line since i got kicked out of UA&P. and here i was, sitting in the car, reminiscing on my previous college lives since 2003. i knew when my mother said that i wasn't going back to college, i felt that this time it was already real. on the following day, i was able to think by myself in my room. thinking that i didn't want to be burden to my parents, i decided to work and earn money for myself.
06/26/2006 was our batch number at this call center company i worked, i was already earning money at the age of 19. i was living the life, being able to buy things that i want, being able to go places I've never been too.. but something was missing,,,...
a few years has passed and I'm still working at the same company.. then i wanted my career to grow, so i tried to apply for a higher position. Since i already worked in the call center industry for about 3 years, i decided to apply for a QA position, or Quality Analyst/Assurance, however, i didn't get the job. one of the criteria was that the applicant needs to be a college graduate. IT SUCKS. i did have all the other requirements, in terms of product knowledge, strengths and everything else, i just didn't pass because i was an undergraduate.
Then it hit me like a fast curve ball, i needed to finish my studies, i need to graduate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- i arrived here in the Philippines when i was 16. I was really excited, because there were some things that can't be done else where than here in the Philippines. When i first arrived i was too eager to explore the country, to go places, to meet and mingle with new people, although i do come here every summer break with had at Dubai. But, things were different now. My parents wanted me to be admitted at the best school's that they could offer me. However, i didn't, i just wanted to study at any university or college, my whole plan was just to go to school and graduate. But my parents wanted more out of me. They had me take numerous entrance exams, like at University of the Philippines, Ateneo de Manila, and at University of Asia and the Pacific. Even though i did pass the entrance examinations held at those universities, i had doubted my self if was really ready on taking up college.
a dream burning down..
-- my parents wants me to choose between UA&P and ADMU, how could i decide?? both of them are great schools that offer great courses and education. But, was i prepared?? the answer to that was, no. I still wasnt prepared to go to school, to start my college life. after staying at UA&P for one year, i was kicked out. My grades at UA&P weren't that great, some of them were just hanging by a thread. But that university had high standards that i really cant reach. And so my parents decided for me to choose another school to go to.
a dream burning down pt.II
-- i decided to go to CENTRO ESCOLAR UNIVERSITY. i had a friend from high school who also studied at CEU, so i checked it out, if the school was ok. Later on, i found my self making new friends at the start of the first semester of my first year college, i had to take on being a first year student again, since i still had a lot of back subjects from my previous school. i was really starting to enjoy studying at CEU, i already got a chance to step foot on being a 2nd year student. and it was really a great feeling for me, even though i still had about 2 or 3 back subjects. but, hey, its a start for someone who is still having doubts on going to school. another year had passed by and i was about to start my 3rd yr life at CEU, the first semester was already starting and i was already about to take on my midterm examinations, however, my parents still wasn't satisfied with my performance. my father went to school, and paid for the whole semester and asked the school for may credentials, as they have decided for me to stop, and transfer again to a new school.
getting tired of this..
-- my parents always had issues about me being gay, although they really didn't know that i was gay. i never really told them or showed them that i was gay or bisexual. they never doubted my sexuality before, since i did had a girlfriend before way back in high school. i gotta admit my first ever relationship with a guy was here in the Philippines when i was still studying at CEU. but i didn't let my personal life get in the way of my studies. i wanted to finish my studies right away. my parents and i had a deal, that when i finish college, i could do what ever i want with my life, so i really wanted to finish it for good. but like i mentioned before, i had no choice but to stop, and transfer to another school. now the reason why my parents forced me out of CEU, was because of the gay community that was building up at the school. and some of my close friends at school were also gay, i had no choice, they were friendly, and they did really become my friends. and the second reason was that they still didn't like the way my grades were. hayz...
manila now, cebu tomorrow..
-- I'm really getting tired of not being able to make a decision for my self. by this time my parents were already telling me that i had to transfer to cebu and live an independent life, since they think that i would be able to handle it, and my father specifically said that "doon ka na sa cebu, para wala ng mangingi-alam sa iyo, at para wala ng makakapag impluwensya sa iyo ng masama, tulad ng mga bisyo mo."
hayz.. i had no choice, i really didn't want to transfer anymore, i didn't want to go to the same process of making friends again, getting subjects, filling up forms, and stuff. but i had no choice. before i could object to and demand to stay here, i was already in a plane going to cebu.
cebu? fun or not?
-- i was mistakenly wrong about Cebu, its freakingly beautiful here!! and to add it up, im completely free!! no one to look over my shoulders, telling me what to do, and to remind me constantly that i need to study hard.. in the long run, i still returned to manila. my dad had to take a leave from his job in Dubai, and made sure that i was really studying in Cebu. But when he got there, i already flunked most of my subjects, except for my one major. for which i am really proud of, because that was the only subject that i got for grade of 1, which is the highest grade i already attained in my life!! but since i did flunked the rest of my subjects, my parents still got furious, hey, who wouldn't be, right?
the only reason why i didn't attend my classes when i was still in cebu, was because i was so overwhelmed of my freedom, of me being able to things that i want to do, staying out at the late hours of the night, drinking out with friends, and going out with numerous guys, pero syempre safe sex pa rin.. hehehe..
but in the end my father bought a ticket for me to go back to manila.
home again..
-- whew, even though i only stayed in cebu for about one semester, i got to admit, i really missed my room and MANILA!! ÜÜ i was really excited when i was at Mactan airport waiting to board the plane, but at the same time, nervous was playing in me. as to what was i going to do now, and a lot of questions were already popping out of my head. if my parents would still let me go to school?? if they would still accept me being their child?? or would the hatred fill their hearts for the wrong doings that i have done to them.
i arrived in manila, on the 24th of june 2006, and my mom was the one who picked me up at the airport. and told me that i was not going back to school.
when i heard those words coming out of my mothers mouth, i was in shock. because they have been saying that line since i got kicked out of UA&P. and here i was, sitting in the car, reminiscing on my previous college lives since 2003. i knew when my mother said that i wasn't going back to college, i felt that this time it was already real. on the following day, i was able to think by myself in my room. thinking that i didn't want to be burden to my parents, i decided to work and earn money for myself.
06/26/2006 was our batch number at this call center company i worked, i was already earning money at the age of 19. i was living the life, being able to buy things that i want, being able to go places I've never been too.. but something was missing,,,...
a few years has passed and I'm still working at the same company.. then i wanted my career to grow, so i tried to apply for a higher position. Since i already worked in the call center industry for about 3 years, i decided to apply for a QA position, or Quality Analyst/Assurance, however, i didn't get the job. one of the criteria was that the applicant needs to be a college graduate. IT SUCKS. i did have all the other requirements, in terms of product knowledge, strengths and everything else, i just didn't pass because i was an undergraduate.
Then it hit me like a fast curve ball, i needed to finish my studies, i need to graduate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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